Page 53 - Msingi Afrika Magazine Issue 2

into a dark state and my music so many times and coming back is at all. Whereas other times I will
took a shift. I tried to understand always the painful bit, because it’s say I have this itch to play and
and conceptualize this feeling, but like you have to start again from whatever comes to my mind I play.
I could not. It’s not something that the beginning. Thankfully when I normally have
you just normalize. At some point Recently, I had to start again from that itch I just press record on the
I would sit with my mom and talk the beginning and because of keyboard and I just play. As long
and she would say, “You know that, I stopped a lot of my events. I as I’ve played then afterwards
what, Noel? I don’t think I could decided to become a brand of my I can just listen to it again, then
go through what you went through own in the context of the music sometimes I’m like “Are you sure
at your age.” That really surprised that I would want to create, not it was you that played that?” Then
me. for my sake but just from my heart you realize that no it was not you
During this period, I said to myself, and from what my spirit tells me. it was definitely God so please just
‘Ok let’s see what happens.’ It’s important to be in tune with the keep quiet.
But you see, when you operate Spirit of God, because the Spirit of
with ‘let’s see what happens’ it’s God I feel is like a nervous system, So the kind of music you’re
a negative, because you don’t but only more complex. The way doing now is the kind of music
really trust God as such and I He operates is like everything is you found yourself doing when
spiraled down so fast. I would aligned for a bigger picture. I think you first started playing?
walk an adjacent path to the music helps with that alignment; Yes. The first music, my main focus
one I’m supposed to walk and if you just release yourself as a where I started in the beginning,
it would make things so difficult vessel, rather than as the one is where I’m finding myself right
for me, but the one thing that I orchestrating. What will happen now, even amidst all this other
always remembered (because if God is the One orchestrating? music I have learnt. It’s helped,
I used to think that to God I’m He’s the conductor and then you, it’s given me knowledge, it’s given
irredeemable) the one thing that you’re the orchestra and you’re me discipline when playing, even
I always remembered and one just following what He’s telling you when I have emotions. It’s like
thing I believe till today has kept to do? Then of course you’ll get a when God is talking to you, you
me close to God, is the music. different result. That’s the current have to listen. The same thing with
For me there was just this way level I have reached, because music. You can be an amazing
that music has this connection to the people who I’m surrounded musician, you can run around just
God and it helped me. Thankfully, with now, (when my dad died play chops, drums, but if there’s no
even though I was going through everybody left) were meant to be conversation with feeling, then you
all that, I was still trying to hone in my life at this particular time, won’t be conversing. You’re talking
my craft. Through that pain and they keep on encouraging me. at someone you’re not talking to
through that hurt as I was honing My mom has been through it all. them.
my craft, something came out. I She always told me focus on your
discovered what kind of music I music, focus on your craft, and she What’s the place of your
would want to play to help people. always told me, “Focus on God so relationship with God in all of
I discovered what kind of music that He can give you the skills and this? What is it like now?
I would want in order to help me the knowledge on how to tackle I feel like, honestly from before
go through. What would make this kind of music.” until now, I feel like it’s a Father-
someone just be themselves and There’s music that has been and Son relationship. Your father can
what would make me be me in the I believe there is music that we be your friend, your father can be
long run. And because of learning haven’t tapped into yet, and the your authority and your father can
how to love myself again and find moment we do it will create such also be your mentor. So, for me,
music that will heal people and a shift that just by people hearing irrespective of when a child goes
help people, that’s what led me music they will release themselves wrong, the father doesn’t correct
to go into different events. And to God. By having someone to them and so okay I’m done with
that was my mistake. I thought remind me that and in fact having you. No. That’s why I say I feel like
that I could help people, I’m going someone who was older to always we’re blessed when we say we
to get money but I’m still going remind me that, it’s actually a very have God as our Father, because
to help people. But I found out big deal because actually my mind He takes us back irrespective of
that I was only denying myself frame just shifted and I was like I what we have done and He says,
something, because it became can actually do this. I’m not doing “Welcome back.” I feel like He has,
about competition. How good are this for me I’m doing this based on irrespective of all my shortcomings
you? How amazing? How well what God wants me to do. and going back and forth and
can you play? I kinda got lost in it. Sometimes I can play and I don’t always going back to the start, He
This is a path I’ve gotten lost on feel like playing so I’ll just not play has always been willing to take