Page 19 - Msingi Afrika Magazine Issue 4
P. 19
FAITH STORIES FAITH STORIES
and they had tried something and save her from all she's gone "I've done EXACTLY what you
on her and she was very fran- through, and even us, or you asked for." Then I heard, "So
tic and I thought she was going perform a miracle and give her that you know that life and death
to go and I remember going to life, 'cause You're God, You can is in My hands, let go."
lock myself in the NICU toilet to do this! Those are the two things Then my mother walked in and
have a conversation with God, I'm giving You." And I stood there every emotion I had came pour-
"What's going on? Where are waiting for; I don't know what I ing out. My mom told me, "Go
You God? What do You want?" was waiting for. Mark walked in see your daughter." So I went
The third was after this failed and just stood next to me. The and I remember the nurse just
procedure. I had gone to ex- next thing we heard was Zoey's told me, "This faith of yours, I
press milk, when Mark called room being opened. We turned have never seen. You're going
me to find out where I was, he and saw the nurses and every- to hold this baby, even if they
didn't say anything, but I knew one passing and just looking at say you should not hold her.
something had happened. Then us and walking away. Then our You're going to hold her." And I
he called me again and told me doctor came in, she just looked did what they called 'kangaroo'
to please come down, that ev- at us and said, "Do you want and that's something that should
erything was not ok. I found the to go see her?" In my head I'm be encouraged with pre-term
curtains of Zoey's cubicle closed thinking, ‘see her dead or alive?' babies and I don't know why we
and many feet around her. I was I told her, "No.” Come, we need don't do it. Human contact does
watching the monitors, I watched to talk," she said. something for the child. When
the numbers come down and We went to the visitors' lounge she was put on me, and I cov-
then suddenly they flat lined. I and she was sitting at the edge ered her with the gown, it was
remember feeling cold and ask- of her chair, she was very ner- one of the most beautiful pre-
ing Mark, "Is that it? After 59 vous and she asked us, "Do cious moments and also scary
days? That's it?" Mark didn't say you know what just happened? because of all the tubes and
anything. What could he say? I don't think this is medicine that wires. There's a photo of Mark,
we're dealing with. Your daugh-
"Life and Death is in My ter was dead. Clinically dead;
hands, let go," God. ready to be taken to the morgue.
I went to another room in the She was dead for 15 minutes,
we tried resuscitation, we gave
NICU and closed the door and
her three shots of adrenaline
stood at the window, as was
and her heart would just not
my norm. That day I shouted at
God, "Are you there? What do respond. I confirmed no heart-
you want? Is this how you thank beat and there was a second
call and just as I was putting
me? You asked me to come
my stethoscope down to record
back to you and I did. What do
the call, Zoey did the one thing
you want? I'm done with you; let
me go back to all my other ways. we have been waiting for her to
I am done!" And I walked away do for 59 days. She breathed
and opened her eyes." As she
from the window, but as soon as
was talking I was just feeling
I got to the door I felt such an
cold. She said, "Do you under-
emptiness that I ran back to the
window and said, "Ok God I can't stand what I'm telling you? This
live without you, but I don't know is not medicine!" I felt fear. She
told us, “Maybe we should step
what You want. This child has
aside and let you people pray.”
gone through so much, we're
She asked again, "Do you want
going through so much, what do
You want? God, I'm giving You to go see her?" I said no, Mark
two choices. I've seen You do said yes and went. I was left
there, that's the first time I know
so much already, so I know You
I heard God clearly. I don't know
can do this. You either take her
if it was a whisper, I just heard,
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