Page 20 - Msingi Afrika Magazine Issue 4

FAITH STORIES FAITH STORIES

Zoey and I in that moment, it's "I don't know what's going on." I ing and the numbers were go-
the only photo we have of the remember looking up as a bird ing up and down. Then a nurse
three of us and it’s a precious flew by and all I could hear was, came and prayed, my mom says
memory. Then she was placed "Stay under the shadow of my she put tissue under my chin,
back into the incubator. I couldn't wings." I was just like, "God, I apparently I was crying, but I
leave. I thought that if I left, she can't pray." It's like something don't remember. And Mark came
would die. I prayed and said, was drained out of me, I re- and told me, "Jean, you need to
"Father, please, if You ever have member I just sat and I just told release her." I remember look-
to take this child, please don't let God, "Have Your way, I'm tired. ing at him and I didn't know what
me get a call - I don't think I can Father, Your will be done, I'm so 'release' meant. He said, "You
handle a call. Let me be here." tired." Then in the reflection in need to let go, she's fighting
And He honored that. the window, I saw Mark coming, because of you. Release her."
and I knew. He came and told Mark looked at me and I just
True Liberty me, "We need to stand with her, told him, "I can't pray, you pray."
Three days later on the 1st of she's not doing well." He tells me I remember he thanked Zoey
June, 2012, that's the day peo- I started crying. I remember go- for coming and he told God,
ple are celebrating Madaraka ing in and looking at her and she "We don't understand why You
Day, liberty. Liberty was coming flat lined. Mark tells me there's a brought her into our lives but
for me, but not in the form that I way I cried and I shouted, "Bag maybe one day You will let us
thought. I remember waking up her!" So the nurse came and see it." And he told Zoey, "Stop
that morning and I was feeling a bagged her, but I noted it was fighting, we release you back to
certain way, it was like a know- just the bag giving her fake life. your Father, we'll see you one
ing that something was going to The numbers came back, but I day in heaven. Just let go, stop
happen. There was a wedding felt, 'why am I forcing her? This fighting. We love you. Amen." As
on Mark's side of the family and small human being...' I felt bad, I soon as Mark said Amen, she
we felt to make an appearance, felt selfish. Mark and I looked at stopped and she was very calm.
but while we were there I felt to each other, we didn't even talk, We watched the numbers com-
go to the hospital. I told Mark, and we just said, "Stop." The ing down and I felt the life leave
we need to go to the hospital. nurse asked us, "Are you sure?" her, her body became limp and
He said, "They have not called", I told her, "Stop and just give she went. Even after I felt her
I said, "We need to go." Now I her to me the way she is." They leave I was still thinking, "No,
know it was the Holy Spirit. As stopped while she was still alive, this child can still come back."
soon as we entered the NICU and I quickly stripped and they And the nurses came and told
the doctors told us, "Zoey was put her on my chest and I just us, "Jean and Mark, we need to
unstable earlier, she was up held her and rocked her. take the baby and call it." They
and down, but now she's settled. Somehow my mom had gotten couldn't do it while she was on
Just go see her." As I walked into the same inkling from where she me or they would have regis-
the NICU, I knew she was going was and she and my aunty and tered my heartbeat.
that day. I couldn't tell Mark. stepdad came and I think Mark When they pulled her off my
Mark was on the other side of sang. All I remember is I was skin, that's when I felt death. I
the incubator, something we rocking throughout and looking told them, "Just wipe her, and
had done for 63 days. We used at the numbers. I couldn't pray remove all those things you put
to place our hands on the incu- but I was praying for a miracle. on her, wrap her up and give her
bator and just pray over her and Something could still happen. to me the way she was born." In
maybe sing and I just told him But the doctors had told us that my head there was a picture of
I needed to take a walk to pray they had pushed her lung capac- the bundle of joy they bring to
and that I'd be coming back. ity to the point where her right you... they did that, the only dif-
He said, "Ok." I wasn't going to lung had pushed into the space ference is I got the bundle, but
pray, I was defeated that day, of the left. Zoey's doctor was so with no life. I unwrapped her and
but there was a strength that affected, she told me, "I can't be looked at her for the first time;
I got. I was seated at a place here. Jean, I'm so sorry, we tried she was tiny. Zoey was born at
I used to like sitting, it had big everything. We love Zoey." And 880gms and she died at 1.4kgs.
windows and light. I said to God, she left. I kept feeling Zoey jerk- In that moment, Mark broke and

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